Aligning my Vision

When I look at the date of my most recent post--June 19--I'm struck with a variety of thoughts and images regarding an amazing two months of beautiful weather and extremely wonderful adventures. Camping on the Salmon, hiking in the Gorge, swimming in rivers, biking in the city--nearly all of these excursions in the company of my favorite five-year-old in the whole universe. 

At the beginning of the summer, I had a much different expectation for the upcoming two months. Like years past, I planned to carve out a great deal of time to work. I set up a number of child care trades, and felt extremely grateful to my in-laws, who have taken our daughter overnight just about every week since she was a year old. I signed her up for one camp, for two whole weeks, eager to use the time to blog, build my business, and interview executives. 

As Steinbeck so beautifully expressed, however, "the best laid schemes of mice and men... often go awry".

But, in this case, I might choose my own ending to more aptly match the reality of our summer. While there were some moments of disappointment at having so little time to dive into building my business, I am coming to realize that the opportunities that I had to be so fully present with my daughter--laughing and playing, adventuring and enjoying our amazing surroundings--contributed to building my dream business in a way that I never could have expected at the outset. This is coming from a place of having grown so frustrated in my past at trying to work while trying to parent. I finally realized that I'm not interested in living that life, or more importantly, in being the person that I become when I'm wishing my daughter would just let me work. 

I was reading an article tonight in which the author addresses a 'climate swerve' which he likens to the 'nuclear swerve' that ultimately moved us, as humanity, away from the use of nuclear weapons. He lays out a number of reasons for this shift, including the time-related threat of climate change illustrated by extreme weather events around the world, as well as the economics of the fossil fuel industry and the 'stranded assets' which, if released, could likely mean the end of life as we know it. 

I bring this up because I realized that the excitement I felt while reading this article mirrored that which I felt a few months back when I read a related article in Market Watch entitled, 'How CEOs Can Save the World from Climate Change'. At the time, that article felt like my light at the end of the tunnel, or perhaps more accurately, the foundation upon which I could base my whole mission to coach executives in mitigating climate change. As my path continues to shift, however, and I realize that I am more interested in working with my 'tribe' than expending the extra energy to work with those who may not recognize what I truly have to offer, I get truly excited about this article and its message. While I have had the strong sense that things are shifting, I also know that I'm quite biased, and my perspective may be skewed. 

So, while I have little doubt that I could ultimately be successful with executives, I'm feeling excited about my shifting path. This weekend, when I went to pick up a bike for Kaya on craigslist, the owner asked me if I was "in the trades." Confused, I asked him what he meant, and he pointed at my Wink's Hardware hat, and my black Carhartts. "I love wearing clothes like this," I told him. "My phone fits perfectly in this side pocket, and this hammer loop is incredibly useful!" He smiled and nodded, in full agreement. We were able to relate in a way that allowed both of to be ourselves. That's what I want. 

I want to bring my whole self to the table without having to wonder if it's good enough. Through shifting my path, and seeking out a new niche, I am making that more possible. While there are still maps to be created, and some rivers to ford, I'm excited for wet boots and what lies around the bend.

Is it Time to Combine My Hats?

It's interesting, I'm finding, what happens as I get older. I have all these different areas of my life, with differentiated to-do lists, email accounts, and connections associated with each one. When I was younger, they were all one. My friends all knew each other from high school, or from the camp where I worked, or the small liberal arts college that I attended. But with every passing year, it seems, the various aspects of my life have become more and more compartmentalized, requiring me to don different hats at different parties. 

As I become more and more clear about my mission in life, however, I'm finding greater ease in melding my pots. My non-native bilingualism blog about our journey of raising our daughter bilingually, for example, was always a process I felt needed to be dedicated solely to issues of language and child-rearing. The post I wrote on Climate Change, however, has turned out to be one of the most visited pages on that blog. And when I invited Citizens Climate Lobby members to my personal party to kick off my career in coaching, they, too, had a great time, and didn't seem to be bothered by these distinctions I'm noticing. 

Thus, I wonder, does my life really need to be so divided?
What would it feel like to let things bleed a bit?
Can I thrive in the messy, at least until it becomes less so?

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2013 National Conference in Washington, DC

This Saturday, on my 40th birthday, I'm flying to DC with 5 other Portland locals, to lobby our members of congress to take action on climate change. As excited as I am to go again for my 2nd year, it's not about me, or even about the 5 others. We'll be joining over 650 other volunteers, who, over the course of 3 days, will be meeting with all 535 congressional offices (if you want to support this effort with just a few minutes of your time on June 23rd, it would mean so much to me and make such a difference! There is a Facebook event, too, if you're interested). Last year, there were 235 of us. The year before that, about 120, and one year prior, about 50. The first year, 6 years ago, there were only 4, and they were laughed out of congressional offices with their carbon tax proposal. This year, however, we have EPA regulations on our side, and a proposal that is appealing to both conservatives and liberals in how it doesn't grow government and benefits the economy. And we have two solid years of political will-building behind us to strengthen our cause. It's going to be good, even with Cantor's defeat.To be part of an movement with over 6500 volunteers worldwide who are creating the political will for a stable climate is one of the most inspiring and empowering things I've ever done--certainly something I never thought I'd be so excited to take on. 

But as I head into this week, aware of multiple roles, which hat do I don? As the Group Leader for our local Portland chapter, and the interim Regional Coordinator for the Greater Pacific Northwest, I'll clearly be representing Citizens' Climate Lobby at our National Conference. Sitting in the 6-8 offices of the congressmen and women, I'll also represent a committed citizen and constituent, educating our lawmakers on the difference they can and need to make for our world. But I wonder, is there room for me to don my coaching hat, the uniform that has me wanting to support and empower conscious leaders on their quest to mitigate climate change?

Being in 2 days of workshops and presentations with over 650 conscious leaders themselves has me quite excited at the idea of exploring this question. While I want to be respectful of the primary intention of the gathering, I am confident that there is a lot to glean from these leaders and the challenges they might share with me, as a coach, constituent, group leader and regional coordinator. Maybe this is my time to combine all of my hats, and create a new lens that supports the mission that we all share for a safe and comfortable climate?

This short inspiring film, filmed at last year's conference, might give you an idea of what lobbying in DC is like. I'm in the second row from the top in that big group shot, if you can find me...!

Let Them See Who You Are

"I agree with the last guy," he told me last week as we met face to face. "Get rid of the word coaching.
In fact, ditch the coaching altogether." 

When I met with this retired executive for the first time a year ago (we'll call him Dan, for ease of communication), his message was similar, and has been a part of my internal conversation since we first met. While his focus last year wasn't so much on offering advice around my coaching, he did strongly suggest that perhaps my place was with the foot soldiers--leading the troops, the students, the masses--to create change from the bottom up. At the time, I certainly took his message to heart, but simultaneously felt strong resistance. I came to him, both times, with the underlying belief that my place is at the top, supporting those with great power and influence in a manner that could only benefit our climate and the well-being of humanity. I had my dream, and felt torn about giving it up, despite his extensive experience and the respect I had for him.

Dan spent most of his career in corporate America, working as a marketing executive for many years in one of the most profitable businesses in existence at the time. Ultimately, it became clear to him that he wanted to focus on on environmental sustainability, and took to his own road in order to bring the benefits of sustainability into the business community. This experience certainly served as an inspiration for me, and paired with his heartfelt way of listening and delivering his message, left me hesitant to disregard his advice despite my temptations to do otherwise.

While my initial presentation of Dan's message may seem wholly unsupportive, I felt incredibly supported by him in the hour and a half that he offered me, and more connected than ever to the purpose that I'm seeking to fulfill. "Lead with your heart," he told me, with tears in his eyes. "Let them see who you are. Tell them that you're an educator, a mother, and that you want to learn from them. Ask them to coach you. And trust. Trust that things are going to work out." He also shared some of his perspective about the business world, believing that the hierarchical culture hems you in. You have to make your boss look successful, and you have limitations on what you can do. At the C-level, as well, business executives held back by the system. It's all about stock prices, earnings, and whether they are growing at a rate that will ensure their success in the marketplace. Thus, real change comes about by people who are willing to step out of the system, whose existence does not depend on being a success defined by status and money. "If you want to really make a difference," he continued, "find the people who have the courage and the motivation to step out."

For the rest of the day, his words swirled through my mind. And after hours of Nahko and deeper connection with what I really want, my vision began to change. It hit me that I'd been basing my whole business intention on three primary beliefs, structuring my life around the assumption that they were all true:

1. In order to have the biggest effect on climate change, I need to work at the top. 
2. I need to work with executives, or at least with business professionals, because no one else will pay me (well) to work with them during the day (and I'm ready to work days over evenings).
3. If we make a lot of money, I can quit worrying so much about it, and we'll ultimately be happier as a family. 

As Dan helped me shine the light on these beliefs, I started to realize the fallacy of this belief-set--as obvious as it seems to me now as I write this. And, with that, came the realization that if they aren't true, then what is possible? What difference can I really make? Who could I work with? Who would pay me? Where might the money come from? 

While my conversation with Dan wasn't as I expected it to be, gleaning insight into his life as an executive and the challenges that he experienced in that role, it opened me up in a way that feels integral at this stage in the journey. I connected to what I really want, and got clear on what beliefs were driving the show. I want to be me. I want to bring my strengths to the table without the fear that my experiences will lose me the role I want to play and the difference I want to make. I want to be appreciated for what I can do, not chided nor disregarded for what I haven't. 

So, from that place, I move forward with this new perspective and acceptance. Maybe executives aren't my niche. Maybe they are. We'll see how it all unfolds. But either way, I'm clear that coaching remains my passion, as a beautiful blend of who I've become and what I want for others and this world, and that I will continue to put my heart into creating further opportunities to support others on their journey as I'm being supported on mine. Thank you, 'Dan'!

Executive Development

At the beginning of May, I lined up a meeting with a man who would turn out to be what I'm considering my first 'official' executive interview in this series of 50. At the time, as excited as I was to meet him, I hadn't concocted this little plan on mine, and was simply attempting to fulfill my market research assignment through my online MIT course on Entrepreneurship. Now, however, I realize what an auspicious place he holds in the 'line-up' and am eager to share my experience with the first of many.

As I walked into the coffee shop and saw him sitting there in his suit and tie, I felt the familiar overwhelm of emotions and counterproductive thought: Damn. He's well-dressed. Clearly very busy. I need to buy this tea and sit my ass down so as to not waste his time. I was on time. I was dressed well. Yet, my concerns swarmed.

"So, what can I do for you?" he asked, putting down his phone and looking me in the eye. I tried really hard to listen to my prefrontal cortex as I attempted to formulate my desire to mitigate climate change and to coach executives as a way to have big impact. He listened, attentively, and after my awkward attempt to sound professional and put-together, he began to inquire. He wasn't clear on what my role would be, on what I would actually be doing with these executives, and how I would even begin to sell my idea to them.  I, too, was feeling around in the dark a bit, trying hard to express the difference between my role as coach and that of a consultant. I so yearned for it to be easier.

Ultimately, we found common ground, and I rejoiced inside that I'd finally been able to communicate my dream.  And it was at this point that things finally did get easier. Once I stopped acting from the belief that I needed to prove myself, subconsciously seeking his 'yay or nay',  I was able to let go of my fears and really listen. Once I pushed those fears aside, there was room for him to show up completely, without needing to fit into the box I'd created for him to give me the answers I secretly hoped to avoid.

While my focus with him wasn't what I expect it to be with my upcoming interviews (What's it like to be a conscious leader? What challenges confront you?), I did end up gleaning a great deal of insight from him and the story he shared. He spoke of his own development, referring to the many years when he had all sorts of expectations about life, work, and specifically, his employees. They should be happy, he shared with me of his perspective back then, simply because they have a job. He paid them well--why are they continually dissatisfied? He did all sorts of things to attempt to improve their happiness, despite his underlying belief that their feelings should be otherwise. He hired coaches, he paid consultants, he organized trainings. Yet nothing seemed to create the change he was seeking. He was at a loss. He, too, was unhappy, and knew something needed to change. 

What this executive shared with me, ultimately, was that it was through his own development that he, and his employees, finally experienced the happiness they were all seeking. And with that, came not only 'the bottom line', but a multitude of other benefits that rippled through his life. His tension lessened, he slept better, his marriage improved, his friendships deepened, and work became less of a pain in the ass. Suddenly, he was able to actually enjoy his time with people with whom he had very little in common, and to overcome internal barriers that previously stopped him. People noticed how much more engaged he was, how much more loyal and motivated he seemed on more of the tasks he took on.

Just the other day, I received another email from him, referring me to an article he'd just read in the New York Times entitled 'Why You Hate Work'. I was ecstatic. Here's this executive, thinking of me as he's reading this article, sending me his thoughts which perfectly align with my intention. "This coaching angle is useful," he shared with me. "If executives are being pulled, they have less chance to focus on leading to solutions addressing the climate. They need help."

Exactly. He nailed it.

And for this reason, I continue to forge into territory that, at times, feels so wild, scary and uncharted...